Continuing on the premise of the ending thoughts of the last WINAR I wrote . . .
When I don't love Jesus as much as I should, I turn to religion to fill me up.
Maybe that's why Jesus never implicitly preached a sermon on the state of the dead. He confused people when he talked about Jairus' daughter being asleep, but he never went into the nitty-gritty.
Maybe that's why Jesus never implicitly preached a sermon on the relevance and infallibility of the Torah. He quoted it and used it profusely, but he never defended it in a sermon.
Maybe that's why when I, feeling empty inside and maybe a little wanting, look at how I went over the amount of worships I was supposed to go to this semester and feel good about myself.
Maybe that's why I don't always feel the urge to go out and preach (scary, huh?).
Maybe that's why I don't know what I would say to people I meet in the street.
P. Herrera was walking down an interstate to the next town looking for a mechanic because his truck was broken. My dad and I gave him a lift. Yet in all the time he was in the car with us I never mentioned Jesus. On one hand I felt good about this "good deed," but on the other--was he able to figure out I am a Christian?
Or the time I gave some cereal to some people stranded on the road, or the time I put money in the bin of a raggedy-tobacco-smelling-bell-ringing Salvation Army volunteer when I was with my friends--do they and people that saw that know that I'm a Christian?
I came to the conclusion that I'm not going to call myself a Christian anymore, because that is a label that others should bestow on me. Plenty of "Christians" have muddied Jesus' name, myself included.
But when I love Jesus, for real love Jesus, I won't need to turn to my good deeds checklist or my Bible verses known or my attendance to round-table discussions and seminars.
I'm not saying I won't need to know the state of the dead or other doctrine, but it would now be easier for me to know what to say.
Because I won't be trying to convert them.
Because I won't be trying to check off doctrines taught to that person.
Because I won't be trying to enslave them in my personal religious system.
Because I won't be reading a script of what I should say when the door opens.
Because I won't have anything to say, rather God will speak through my love for Him translated into what I do for them, not out of obligation or to make myself feel good, will set them free from the chains they have, be it poverty, hunger, depression, friendlessness, or even making a perfectly happy person feeling good about themselves.
It would set me free, too, from trying to conform to my personal religious system.
From trying to convert others.
From making service a burden.
From reading a script of what to say when the person rejects the cookbook.
From the realization that I do not feel the urge to go out and preach because I am preaching with my actions.
Or maybe I'm just crazy.
4 comments:
So, what if you did not mention Jesus' name in a conversation? The point is if they heard it loud, out of your actions. Because, you could have vocalized the name vigorously and many times, but the noise of our selfishness did not let them hear it.
I know that it was our actions that spoke, but what I mean to say is this: do our actions always speak what I wish them to speak?
I needed to hear this. Thanks Pablo.
No problem cassi =)
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